zen habits:
By Leo Babauta

Many people I know are on a quest to optimize their lives — some of my favorite people in the world will spend days trying to perfect a productivity system, get things automated, or find the perfect software for anything they’re doing. They are on a continual search for the perfect diet, the perfect work routine, the perfect travel setup.

Optimizing can take quite a bit of time and energy.

What would happen if we let go of optimizing? Who would we be without the idea that we should optimize everything?

One idea is that if we decided not to optimize everything, we’d stop caring, stop trying to make things better, and live sub optimal lives. But I know myself pretty well — I will always care, even if I am not trying to optimize. I will always do my best, which is different than optimizing — it’s taking care and giving love, even if things aren’t optimized. I believe most of you are this way, pouring your hearts into something with pure love, without needing to make everything perfect.

So why shouldn’t we optimize? And what would it be like if we didn’t?

Give me a few moments to make the case against optimizing, and present an alternative way.

                                         The Case Against Optimizing

I don’t think people who optimize are idiots (many of the smartest people do it), nor is it a life-ruining thing to try to optimize. I’ve done it many times.

But consider:

•  The savings never get realized. When you try to optimize, you are spending some of your precious life moments trying to find the perfect setup. Sure, once you’re done, things will theoretically be set up perfectly from then on, so over the long run you should save a lot of time and effort, right? Well, first, let’s acknowledge that there’s a big cost to optimizing up front. And the savings would only be realized after running the optimal system or method for a good while. Unfortunately most people who optimize don’t just set it up and forget it — they continue to try to optimize over and over. It’s a never-ending quest, so the cost keeps adding up but the savings never catches up.
  
  
• Optimizing is a trap of dissatisfaction. Optimizing is the quest for something as close to perfect as you can get it. But that’s an unrealistic ideal. It doesn’t really exist. And we’ll never get to optimal — when we get close, we’ll continue the habit of being dissatisfied with the way things are. We’ll have put in a lot of work, but then not be happy. Because the search for perfect is a trap, where you’re strengthening the mental habit of dissatisfaction.
  
  
• Optimizing is a focus on what’s not important. Coming up with the perfect productivity system, the perfect to do list software — it’s not important. It’s procrastination on the things that are truly important. The tasks at the top of the to do list you already have, that you’re not working on, so that you can optimize. Coming up with the perfect diet system isn’t important — eating vegetables is. Eating nuts and beans and fruits is important. Forget the rest, just do that. Coming up with the perfect vacation isn’t important — you’re missing out on what’s right in front of you, there at home, when you are trying to optimize your next trip.
  
  
• Even if you could optimize, such a perfect life would suck. Let’s imagine for a moment that you could spend a week optimizing every single thing in your life. Everything is now perfect, most things are automated, life because ridiculously easy. (Hint: it’s not possible.) Even if were possible to make life this perfect, life would absolutely suck. If everything ran easily, you would never appreciate any accomplishments, because they came too easily. Nothing would be earned, nothing would feel amazing. People run ultramarathons not because they are perfect and ideal and easy, but because they are such a struggle. The struggle makes it meaningful. Sure, get some good tools, learn how to do things well … but don’t worry about a little extra work. Don’t worry about don’t something a few too many times. A little repetition helps you to get really good at something. A little difficulty helps you to really learn something. A little irritation helps you to find patience, let go of ideals and love things as they are.
  
  
• Optimizing is a good way to get things to break. Imagine that you optimized a series of software tools so they all ran perfectly together, a huge complicated structure of connected machines … amazing work, well engineered, well thought-out. But when things are optimized like this, they are fragile. If one thing breaks, the others do too. If your life is optimized, it’s easy to break. To give you another example … let’s say you have an optimized sleep routine. It’s amazing, and you get great sleep this way! But then you have to fumigate your house, so you have to sleep at a relative’s house. Your entire optimized routine is thrown off, so you get horrible sleep for a few days. Then you try to optimize your sleep for travel, getting a great setup for sleeping on the plane and trains. Then your favorite sleep mask, ear plugs (or noise-canceling headphones) and travel pillow get stolen. No sleep! The most optimized thing to do, then, is to not optimize — get good at dealing with everything, from sleeping on trains without any kind of setup to sleeping on the ground. Unoptimize your life by getting good at dealing with unoptimal situations. Throw randomized craziness into your life. Forget about optimizing, and learn flexibility, learn to deal, learn to let go, learn to adapt.
  
  
• Optimizing is a distraction. It’s like cleaning the decks when the Titanic is sinking. It’s not important that you optimize. It’s important that you are present, that you learn to be mindful, to be compassionate, to work from a place of love, to let go of your attachments, to see your interconnectedness with others. To be pure love, and to give your gift to the world. Not what todo software you use, not what bulletproof coffee you drink, not what perfect backpack you carry. Don’t get caught up in the distractions — focus on what truly matters. So what’s an alternative way? There isn’t one way, of course, but I’ll share some ideas.
  
  
                                         An Alternative Way
  
  Consider a different way of being:
  
  
• Instead of optimizing your schedule, pick one thing to do and focus fully on it. Do it with all of your heart, out of love. When you’re done, give a bow of gratitude. Take a moment to pause and not rush to the next thing. Repeat.
• Instead of trying to find the perfect software, the perfect tool, the perfect travel clothes … focus on being content with where you are, who you are, what you have, what is in front of you right now. Contentment is much more important than getting to perfect.
• Instead of building a fragile optimized routine, system or setup … give yourself less-than-optimal situations, randomness, things you need to adapt to. Develop flexibility, agility, adaptability, robustness, antifragility.
• Be present. Appreciate the fleeting moment, because there won’t be many more before you die. Be fully immersed in the moment, cherishing the beauty of this life.
• When you find yourself with the urge to optimize and find the perfect setup, recognize that you’re letting yourself be distracted from what’s important. Then ask yourself, “What’s most important right now?” Focus on that, even if it gives you discomfort and makes you want to run. Get good at that, rather than good at optimizing.
• Let your path be less controlled, more random. Let it be filled with messiness, because that’s how you adapt to messiness. Let it be filled with chaos, because then you can find peace in the middle of chaos. Let it be filled with the joy of life exactly as it is, because that’s optimal. What is. Not what you wish it could be.
  
  

And do it with a smile and joy in your heart. What a life we have been gifted with!

Sooo many clients tell me, "I need to come in more regularly, but I get busy and forget to book.  Or " I wish it was a bit more affordable".

I was not certain that a massage membership would be a program suitable for a sole practice, or that my clients would want one - so I sent out a survey.  Boy was I surprised.  A whopping 88% said they would be "Interested" or "Very Interested" in a discount massage program and a 20% discount seemed to be the sweet spot to entice people to participate.

So that's what I have created. A simple no nonsense membership program designed to  provide routine  monthly treatments for you at an amazingly affordable price.  Membership  will help you to create a self care commitment, plus  you'll be building a relationship with a thoughtful caring therapist provider. 

*When you commit to membership, you are helping change the culture of massage therapy. It is not a luxury, or a gift to oneself but a critical component to an overall wellness regimen.

Memberships provide a discount for every treatment.  At only $90 per month, it is a savings of 20% over walk in rates and helps reinforce the idea of routine visits and incorporating massage into a wellness regimen..

Our 6 Month members enjoy these amenities:

• Includes one 60 Minute Swedish massage treatment per month
• Discounted cost to upgrade to Deep Tissue ( + $15 ) , or 90 minute treatments ( + $40)
• 20% off one additional Swedish Relaxation bodywork session per month.
• No sign up fee
• Can freeze membership one time for a total of 60 days for $10 a month
• Members can offer $20 off to a friend new to Healing Hands
• Members receive 15% off gift Certificates
• 25% off additional massage during Birthday Month
• Can earn free services when you refer someone else - 50% off additional session for every referred new membership

Our 1 Year members enjoy all of the above  plus:

• One FREE month, pay for 12 get 13 months of treatments
• Larger discount to upgrade to Deep Tissue ( + $10 ), or 90 minute treatments ( + $35),  or Lomi ( + $50)
• 50% off (instead of 25%) additional massage during your Birthday Month
• Up to 2 additional Swedish Relaxation bodywork sessions per month at 20% off

If you would like more information, or wou dlike to sign up, please go here:
www.healinghandsbodywork.com/how-membership-works.html

I had the good fortune to do a massage exchange with a local well respected colleague this week.  Naturally I was apprehensive because she has a very good following and has been well established for years. So it was with some satisfaction that she had such an appreciation for my work and my approach.  And it got me to thinking about how relaxation is really more than just a spa pleasure but really at the foundation of pain relief as well as stress relief.  This comes up often in my discussions with clients about pain, and the mind (where pain is located) and the importance of calming the mind through all the senses, and how touch, sound, smell, temperature of the room, all play a role. Anyway I digress.   Back to the exchange, here are some words lifted from her description of my work to her clients.....

Is it really all that important to relax and relieve stress?

Yes! Today I am promoting the idea that Gentle + Kind  is actually the new Deep Tissue.

Nooooo...I can hear some of you already!

Trust me. I get it, the too-gentle massage. You want to scream and jump off the table. One time a client DID scream at me: "PRESSSUURRRRE!!!!"

Oh my. For sure I had misjudged. I stepped it up (although mostly out of fear :-)

But pressing harder is not necessarily "stepping it up." It is more difficult than you might think to give a super focused, stress-reducing, theta-state inducing Swedish "relaxation" massage.

Luckily we now have Edward for that!

He gave me a massage yesterday and since his website boasts "Elite Relaxation" that's what I ordered. I don't mind sharing that there was a small amount of drool that I needed to manage. I'm picky when it comes to bodywork, and I can say with all confidence that I am happy to leave you with Edward again while I head back to western Mass again next week.

Let me say this about relaxation: it often relates directly to pain relief. If you know me, you know that I now exercise my right to refuse service to certain new clients.

Text from potential client: Hey, are you strong? I need really deep tissue. I can take it.

Me: No. I am not strong. I recommend Mike's Sports Massage. He is strong. Thank you.

Of course I am strong, and I remove trigger points, but the body also has to relax. The ability to relax the body is just as important, if not more important than strength. I was reminded of this after Edward's massage.

Despite the spiel I just gave about relaxation, for my own massage I had thought that I would save "working" on my shoulder for another day because we were doing "Swedish relaxation" massage. Dummy. My whole nervous system relaxed and then guess what happened. My shoulder stopped hurting!

This also surprised me about relaxation: Recently I have been taking Valerian if needed for post-workout soreness. It works! I had tried Turmeric because of its anti-inflammatory properties but I was disappointed because it didn't do much for me. Valerian is said to reduce anxiety and blood pressure, and to help with sleep. In other words, it relaxes and calms the nervous system, just like Edward!

Now of course, everyone's pain will respond to something different. What is it for you?

Turmeric?

Valerian?

Advil?

Edward?

(courtesy of Lisa B. Massage)

I am looking forward to receiving my exchange session from her next week.  In the meantime take what she says and see if it applies to your own situation.

Not all cultures view breasts with the same sense of fascination and conflicted sensibilities and childishness as we do in the US in particular.  Breasts are simultaneously elevated and shunned. It is an odd duality, again seemingly leftover from the the arrival of the puritans.  We are still living with their ghosts.  I am certain somewhere out there I will be criticized for even writing this post, however I was asked to create a small post on the importance of breast massage and since it is so difficult to find, some self care suggestions.

The breasts have been used in symbolism since time immemorial. They have represented love and fertility, as well as sex and pleasure. But dream interpretation theories show that in the deep recesses of our minds, for men and women alike, breasts symbolize something even more integral--our primal need for motherly love, support, security, care, and nourishment, because their function as an organ is to give just that.

The breasts serve not only physical needs of sexual intimacy and breastfeeding but also energetic needs. Likewise, the state of breasts and changes in them can be clues as to what emotions are being processed or need processing. In this way, caring for your breasts is caring for your soul. A beautiful statement by Susun Weed in her book Breast Cancer? Breast Health! sums up this idea: “We cannot nurture others fully or well unless we also nurture ourselves.”

In terms of the mind/body connection - never have I seen an area of the body correlate so well with what is manifesting within a person’s heart and mind.  Both men and women often go to their doctors with a feeling of discomfort in the chest, without any cause found after numerous tests and scans. But the discomfort is real—the causes are often too subtle for Western instruments to detect. Ayurveda can recognize these subtle sensations as signs of imbalance.

Ayurveda ( a 5000-year-old healing wisdom tradition from India, teaches in order to maintain a state of balance, the whole person must be addressed—no part of the body or energy is excluded) relies on massage as preventative medicine, and traditional ayurvedic massage doesn’t overlook the breasts as in the West.

Jennifer Johnson, spa director of the Chopra Center writes   "Over years of work, we found that many women work through complicated issues with their breasts, confusion from oversexualizing, and shame carried through various belief systems, and also that women very rarely touch their breasts," says Johnson. "We also saw women confronting complicated emotions after recovery from breast surgeries—everything from biopsies, lumpectomies mastectomies, reconstruction, and augmentations.  I have  written on this topic before here   and if you are interested please go over and read my prior post. But for now, back to the self care. Here is a basic 10 15 minute ritual that will help you get connected to your body, and can be practiced with frequency.







A Simple Breast Massage Ritual

Frequency: 
Practice breast massage frequently, taking special care to notice the health and condition of your breasts and note fluctuations around your monthly cycles. Daily, weekly, whatever you can do. Not only is this ritual good for your physical health, it is grounding and could be a key to your emotional well being..

Massage oil:
Ayurvedic medicine favors Sesame as a nourishing and neutralizing base oil. One oil I use daily is cold pressed almond oil.  Add essential oils if you are comfortable with them or simply use as is.

Technique: 
Stand or sit in front of a mirror.

1. Begin  by opening and placing  your hands over your heart and breasts. Your hands have tremendous healing potential. Through your hands, feel.....connect.....Breathe 
   
   
2. Give yourself permission to let go. Observe without judgment what thoughts and emotions naturally come up.
   
   
3. Cup your breast from underneath with one hand while you massage with the other hand, working in gentle but firm strokes from  from the outer breast toward the nipple. Make your thumb and middle fingers into a “V” shape and press from the outside edges to the center, systematically massaging the entire breast. It is not necessary to massage directly on the nipple or areola. 
   
   
4. Using two finger pads, begin massaging one breast in a circular motion spiraling from the nipple outward toward the outside of the breast.
   
   
5. Massage the armpit and the outermost quadrant of the breast tissue extending to the shoulder joint. This is an area where lymph nodes are very concentrated.
   
   
6. Massage above and behind your collarbone from the shoulder in toward your neck in long strokes.
   
   
7. Repeat on the opposite side.
   
   
8. Cover your breastbone with your hands, sending and receiving love, peace, and forgiveness.
   
   
9. Observe. Breathe.

That's all there is to it.   Pleas let me know your thoughts on this article, if you found it helpful, and feel free to share it.

~ with Aloha

Further Reading
Breast massage therapy, although uncommon in many massage practices, and sometimes controversial on the health front, should be a higher priority for women and their physical, emotional and spiritual wellness.

How Ayurvedic Breast Massages Can Help Promote Lymphatic Flow

Why Your Breasts Need To Be Massaged

Holding hands is an ordinary activity that we see and can do every day.  It can signify love or friendship.. It could be that if you don't have a significant other  that you don't feel like there is an opportunity for hand holding.  That is simply not true,  Its partly cultural.  Society today, in particular American culture, increasingly mis-associates almost all touch with sex and thereby discourages touch.

.​Yet this tiny, simple behavior triggers chemical reactions in our minds that make us feel loved, happy, cared for, and respected.

Non-verbal communication is important to understanding human behavior. Holding hands is one small fundamental way  we can positively impact our lives. When we hold hands, the nerves in our skin communicate with our core nervous system, producing hormones that make us feel pleasant and warm. There’s much more to it, of course, and new studies are emerging which explore the positive psychological effects of human touch today.

Here are seven benefits of holding hands which you may not have realized existed:

1. Holding hands is a stress reliever
Holding hands with your significant other or another decreases the level of a stress hormone cortisol. Even the touch of a friend or a teammate can make us feel more content, connected, or better about ourselves. When we are stressed out, a light touch on our hand can help ease the strain, both physically and mentally. Our skin also gets more sensitive when cortisol is rushing through our bloodstream, so the touch of a helping hand will have a significantly larger impact. The largest concentration of nerve endings is contained inside the hands and fingertips. This is the subject of another blog post.

So, next time you’re having a really tough day, get together with your partner or a friend and ease the stressful day with touch.

2. Holding hands boosts love & bonding
Oxytocin is the hormone behind this benefit. Oxytocin strengthens empathy and communication between partners in a relationship, which is proven to be a contributing factor for long-lasting, happy relationships. Holding hands with your partner will improve your relationship and reinforce a bond that will impact the quality of your relationship significantly.

Couples who have happy relationships hold hands automatically, sometimes without even noticing, because of a habit developed by their nervous systems. Holding hands produces the oxytocin, which makes us feel happier and more loved.

3. Holding hands is good for your heart
Besides relieving stress, holding hands lowers your blood pressure, which is one of the major contributors to heart disease. When we’re clasping fingers we’re not just easing stress and improving our relationships – we are providing a comfortable sensation that helps our heart. The power of a warm touch goes beyond the health benefits to the heart; A study from Behavioral Medicine supports this. 

4. Holding hands helps relieve or cope with pain
While enduring pain, humans have the natural reflex to tighten their muscles. Think of childbirth – husbands are typically inside the delivery room holding their wife’s hand while she’s going through labor. The reflex to grasp our partner’s hand comes as second nature: It’s always easier to endure pain while holding hands with your soulmate.

5. Holding hands fights fear
Remember that horrible scene in the last horror movie you saw that made you want to jump out of your chair? Luckily, your darling was with you to hold your hand and make you feel safe. The human brain responds to sudden stimulation using adrenaline; this stimulation gets our blood pumping and releases high levels of cortisol throughout our body.

During these moments, our natural reaction is to hold hands with someone we trust. It varies from person to person, but a large portion of women will instantly grab their partner’s hand. That’s the intuitive way to fight off nerves.

6. Holding hands provides a sense of security
Simple hand holding is a source of safety and comfort for young children. Remember when your parents taught you to how to cross the street or walked you down a crowded sidewalk? Or when you were learning to ride a bicycle? Insecurity disappears when we have a hand to hold and allows us to more easily conquer obstacles. The security that parents provide their children by holding hands shapes their children’s behavior and their way of thinking.

Additionally, the sensation of safety goes both ways; parents also feel safer when their children are within their grasp.

7. Holding hands is just plain comfortable
Everybody loves comfort. The sensation of holding  hands often provides a comfy feeling while talking a walk.  One example is placing your hands inside a jacket pocket to warm them up on those cold December nights when you decide to take a stroll.  Even with gloves, we love to hold hands. It bonds us; it provides lovely sensations and gives us quality time with people we care about.


Holding hands comforts, soothes, is a source of security, and an aid for stress.   
​Do you enjoy the comforting sensation of holding hands?


How often do you hold hands ? Why or why not?

~ with Aloha

This article was excerpted and created in large measure from an article written for LifeHack by Dejan Kvrgic